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Big Change is Coming


Bridlington, East Riding of Yorkshire

Change is Coming
As time’s rolled-by in Bridlington I’ve become stagnant, dissatisfied and without true purpose and also suffering from Gender Re-assignment Surgery post-operative anti-climax, which can last several years...it's a form of depression if you like, but it feels as if there's a big vacuum in your life. I am happy that I finally had the operation, just that it's normal to feel this way for genuine trans girls. Anyway, I have always resorted to exercise to settle my mind and this situation is no different…at least temporarily anyway. So I decided to take-up cycling.




I bought a cheap used hybrid bike and after finishing my morning shift as a cleaner began by cycling eight miles every second day . After three months I was completing forty plus miles each ride. Then I purchased a sturdy used road bike, the Claud Butler Criterium, which was much lighter with plenty of gears. I enjoyed maintaining it and always looked forward to the next ride and within six months was completing seventy mile rides once a week, whatever the weather. 





I learnt a great deal from maintaining and replacing parts on this bike and it added to my bike tool collection and experience…which later came in very useful. Still this wasn’t enough for me…I knew that I had to leave here, but didn’t know when or how it would happen. I hadn’t actually planned for this adventurous and risky outcome, but sometimes fate and people can push you in that direction.

Internet Girlfriend Episode
Let me call her Violet.  She’s Leo’s girlfriend from America and she has come to live with my brother and I.  For the record, the house is rented in my name and that sort of makes it my house, but you wouldn’t think it the way they both treat me recently. My usually friendly brother has now become a stranger and hardly talks to me, even at meal times. 
They stay in his bedroom most of the time and the atmosphere in the house doesn’t feel good at all.  Strange because after the first week of her arriving in late August 2009 she was nice and friendly and Leo was much happier.  I thought great I can live with this. 
I am still cycle training, but doing more quality miles, but far less distance.
Violet's been here for three weeks now and it’s getting more and more difficult between us…I can feel the tension. 
When Leo’s at work she barely speaks and she always leaves a mess in the kitchen when she’s finished…I mean WHAT!  All I’ve done is be nice and ask her to tidy up after her.  She tells Leo and he takes sides with her more and more each day…it’s tense here, even Alice is not her usual self.  I try to talk to Leo, but he’s not interested in solving it.

 Get the F##k Out!
Violet's MFO boxes arrive from the U.S and she has replaced all my things on the mantelpiece with hers when I was out. I can’t believe it…she’s a bitch from hell and Leo is doing nothing to step-in. I am furious, but I am aware that my cat is getting scared and is hiding under the bed so I try to calm the situation down.  
Another bike ride is in order to clear my mind.  When I get back the trouble has not gone and now I know it’s deliberate.  I remove her things from the mantelpiece and reclaim it back with my things.  When they both discover this she begins walking upstairs and shouts down to me:
  
Get the f#c# out!

Leo is there to protect her and is completely on her side now…what do I do here?  Call the Police, Throw V out, fight with my brother and risk losing my cat because she’s too scared to come back. OMG!
I don’t know what’s worse, Violet's blatant scheming or Leo’s total lack of support for mine and my cat’s situation.  She’s not just a cat, she is sensitive and gets scared when there’s trouble like this. 

It’s getting colder and I’m getting bolder
The daylight is fading as I peer half dreamily out of my bedroom window and there’s a bit of an autumn chill.  The sprawl of woodland lends a satisfying natural buffer between our garden and the next row of newly thrown-up houses and for this small mercy I am grateful.  The knot in my stomach is easing and I can feel a wave of optimism run through me…it feels electric, not shocking.  I don’t know why, but maybe I can use this opportunity for big change…I am not happy with this situation here; at all! 

The Big Chat

My plan is hatched and I think I can do this…it’s going to be tough financially, but with my fitness and experience as a trained soldier and my love for travel I know that somehow it will be possible. Leo is OK about this and I know this is what they both wanted all along, but he is not bothered about Alice or what happens to me…not really. 

I don’t want to lose Alice to someone else or a rescue home, she is a beautiful cat. We organise to get my deposit and month in advance back and that’s it. Mum is now in the picture and she lets me and Alice stay with her at Dennis’s on one condition.

That's it until the next instalment folks.
See you then.
Ta, ta
Hilary 👯 xx

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